Life transitions and belonging

Updated: Apr 3, 2021

Your worth as a human being is unlimited. Bit of a bold statement you might think but really when we stop and take a good pause it starts to make perfect sense.

Life may have thrown us off this path, telling us that we have to put our self-worth in the hands of others and base it on some external validation, the house, the car, the job, education, qualifications, relationships, how many followers we have on Facebook, how many likes on our last post so on and so forth, whilst there is nothing inherently wrong with the above, we can end up on shaky ground if that is where we base our worth.

Authentic Belonging

For several years now I have been coaching and supporting people to restore a sense of authentic belonging, I am on a bit of a mission, one that I will probably still be on when my beard is long and grey and I have just a slight resemblance to Gandalf. Sometimes that journey with others is labeled as something else, maybe finding purpose, meaning, or just wondering what this life is all about, but more often than not underneath all of that is a journey to authentic belonging.

Belonging is a concept that really cannot be put into words, it is an experience, a sense of ease, calm, dignity, and self-worth, not in an egotistic way but in a very authentic, true-to-self way. It requires no external validation and doesn't place our value in the hands of others or other things.

You will notice others that have this authentic belonging when you have tasted it yourself, for they will have no battle, they will see and respect your value and worth but not seek validation and approval or try to force their own worth on others.

Life Transitions

Often it is in our life transitions where we start to search for this deep sense of connection and belonging with ourselves. Wake up calls that put us at a life junction, wondering which path to take, or as was the case with me, hitting a wall, unable to carry on, exhausted with all the searching and running in a life that deep down, wasn't truly my authentic life.

Life transitions can serve as a springboard to change and growth. It can be useful at these points to reach out for support, be that a mentor, coach, therapist, or other professional that can walk alongside you in that journey, allowing you to explore what it is that you need, to uncover your own sense of belonging and meaning that can come out of these turning points in life. It is important to find the right person that can support you with this change and growth.

At one of the locations that I carry out coaching sessions and group mindfulness sessions, there is an amazing Oak tree that always inspires resilience and hope. Its twisted stem and missing limbs tell a story of challenge and transition, yet its beauty is outstanding, it provides shelter, a home for so much nature as well as a wonderfully grounding and special place for this life-affirming work.

Just like our beautiful oak tree, we can rise again after the challenges of life, to take forward the wisdom learned from our experiences, to restore again a deep deep sense of connection, belonging, meaning, and purpose.

The Practice

Each day practice connecting with your source of infinite worth, a worth that is born within.

Feet firmly resting on the floor, noticing that connection, noticing the rhythm and flow of your breath and when you are settled, just repeat these words silently to yourself

Right now there is nobody else I need to be, for within me is already an infinite source of worth, not dependent on outside circumstance. Here I connect to a deep sense of belonging and clarity, I am an authentic expression of my true self.

Take your time, go gently

Stepping into your own sense of worth and belonging is truly a radical and different way to be in this world, so don't be too surprised if it seems strange to some people and watch out for that trap of asking for validation from others (I still fall into that at times). If it happens that's ok, actually, it's perfectly normal, give yourself a huge dose of kindness and come back to those words above.

This is a journey of a lifetime, not a quick fix, go gently, take your time, explore and be curious and always reach out if you need to.

May you find a sense of peace and belonging that no person or situation can alter,
May you find a kindness to accept yourself just as you are, amazing and unique.
Every moment a new beginning, every step, every breath.

With Kindness and best wishes from Roger.

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